A letter to Life: Happy Birthday to Me

A Letter to Life — Happy Birthday to Me

September 29, 2011 at 11:59pm

Dear LIFE,

It’s been a while since we’ve last spoken, so I guess it’s about that time, huh.

We’re off to a new journey, a new year and I’m not quite sure how I feel about this. I mean, I’m alive and well, my kids are happy and healthy. I’ve learned a lot, cried a lot, suffered a lot, and smiled a whole lot this past year. Mixed emotions as you can see.  But I guess it’s the takeaway that’s important.

Birthdays are special to me, they’re magical and amazing. It’s a time where I not only celebrate the life that is, but the life that will be.  This year I lived a whole lot of life for one soul. And I learned many things about myself and the world around me. I’ve cried and I’ve cheered. I began new journeys, ended old ones. I reflected on unfinished journeys, and decided if I should walk back to those footsteps or say farewell to lost hopes. I’ve died and I’ve grown. I’ve loved and I’ve hurt. I’ve been and I’ve gone.

Experiences are what they are and I’ve tried my hardest to make the best of the crappy ones. But damn, why must some of them hurt so much? Well it’s because, so I’ve learned, that you won’t give me anything in which i can not handle. And I won’t fail at anything in which I can succeed.  All I need is Courage. Loyalty. Trust. Honor. Respect. Resilience.

Those virtues are for myself. Not for anyone else. I’ve learned that without enforcing those qualities on me by me, I can not expect to receive or to give them to others. I think that’s a journey that will take a lifetime of practice before perfection. I’m up for the challenge.

LIFE I want to thank you for some other things that I’ve learned this past year. I’m afraid if I don’t speak them aloud that I’ll forget. And well, what good is a life if you don’t take a moment to remember it…

I’ve learned that what are ugly weeds to me are beautiful flowers to my child. I’ve learned that ego has no place in humility. I’ve learned that I am a good mom, even when I make my kids cry. I’ve learned that pride has no place in forgiveness. I’ve learned that I am a woman first, and nurturing me is the best thing I can do for them. I’ve learned that love comes in all forms and faces. I’ve learned that it’s okay to discipline my children, so as long as I remember not to laugh when they fart in the middle of my yelling. I’ve learned that I am a mom aka super hero. I’ve learned that I am not alone in this crowded world. I’ve learned that late at night, when the house is quiet, and the floor is covered in toys and chaos, there’s no where else I’d rather be. I’ve learned that family is not just something you are born into, but  something you can stumble upon. I’ve learned that my heart can break over and over again, because it’s made of this resilient material called love. I’ve learned that my strength comes from my core. And so it must stay balanced. I’ve learned that I have friends, and they love me. I’ve learned that  I’m good at something and people believe in me. I’ve learned that I should believe in me, too… I’ve learned that a passion is inspired. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay to quit, as long as I cry in the car. I’ve learned that not all people mean harm, but sometimes that’s just what they are taught to do. I’ve learned that I can teach them something new. I’ve learned that if I wait until the time is just right, to love, to live, to grow, to realize, that’ll I’ll never do much of any of those things. I’ve learned that the only right time, is right now. I’ve learned that I am impatient, and sometimes, right now isn’t soon enough. I’ve learned to wait, a little. I’ve learned that a good laugh can go a long way, but a good cry can go further. And I’ve learned that a funny joke from someone I love can go the furthest.

Be brave. Have heart. Believe. Don’t give up. Trust yourself.

Life was full of some crazies this past year. But I’m here. Going strong. Hanging on. Ready to pursue my passions and practice being me some more. I’ll miss this year, but I’m ready to let you go…

So, LIFE, bring it on you sexy bitch, cause I’m ready. I hope you’re ready for me!!!

Happy Birthday to Me….

9-30-2011