A letter to my son: You make me so damn proud!

A letter to my son… You make me so damn proud!

February 22, 2011 at 10:37am

I will be the first to admit that this parenting business should be left to skilled professionals only. It is NOT for the weak of heart.

I often find myself bogged down in daily unorganized routines, constant mess, frazzled hair, wrinkled clothes, lost homework, missing shoes, unruly attitudes, unmet appointments, failed attempts at discipline and a plethora of aggravating, frustrating and totally pissed off moments during my day.  It’s NEVER ending. There’s always something. There’s always someone. There’s just not enough time in a fkn day! Shit!

breath

And with this daily chaos I TOO OFTEN forget how amazing my kids are. While I’m busy nagging about not being able to see the floor in their rooms, they’re busy hustling trying to figure out where to stash the mess in order to make mommy happy. While I’m pushing and ranting about how important school and goals and positive attitudes are, they’re busy pushing to learn and reach new achievements in order to make mommy happy. While I’m busy counting pennies and planning for the future and organizing priorities and guiltlessly shooing them away, they’re making me hand made heart cards using my computer paper, or punching heart shapes from the hole punch they found and scattering them in my bed, and singing I love you songs – while at the same time annoying the daylights out of me – but it’s simply because that’s their way of reminding mommy she is loved and that’s their way of making mommy happy.

Today, though, is about my son. His school had an awards ceremony. His face lit up when he saw me in the seats. His face lit up more when they called his name for Honor Roll and heard me clapping. His face lit up when I asked him for a picture. And his face lit up when he asked me “Mommy – Did I make you happy?”. And I replied with a nod of my head and tears in my eyes. If I shall be totally honest with myself – or you – I snapped a picture, I kissed my little boy on his forehead, and I waved him away as he went back to his class. I then walked back to my car and I cried.

Everything this little boy does is to make me happy. He aims to please me in whatever way he can. I know I’m hard on him because I want the best for him. I sometimes wonder am I going about this parenting business the right way? Am I too hard? Do I expect too much? Do I want them to go too far? Why don’t they give you a manual when they send you home from the hospital? Why isn’t this taught in a certified school? You should need a license to have a child. And we should have to renew every 3 years.

Gosh why is this so hard.

And why is he so amazing.

Why do I deserve him.

At this point, all I care about is honoring him…

So here’s to you Kiddo… Mama loves you with all that she is. All that she has. And all that she will be… I sometimes forget to thank you… No, I all the time forget to thank you. So I want to take a moment now to tell you that the pride I have for you can move mountains. And you are an amazing little boy. Thank you for being you.

These 2 months were so hard for us. So stressful. So trying and just overall difficult. And still Justin, you prevail. You overcome. And you shine. That’s more than any parent can ask for.

Congratulations on moving up your ranks and acquiring a TSMMA Blue Belt. [January]

Congratulations on achieving Honor Roll again. [February]

Keep up the amazing work.

Always remember… Life is full of amazing things. Always take a minute to smell the flowers by your feet. Feel the Sun on your face. Let the Rain cleanse your soul. Love with all that you have. Laugh with every breath. Live with purpose. Fight for your dreams. Reach for the Stars, Moon and Sun… Believe in you… cause I do. And remember, that I will always be here… right by your side… cheering you on.

Love always & forever – your biggest fan,

Mom