kids at the playground vs. kids on the mat

While at a playground, ever notice one kid knock another kid down, complete accident… but instead of that kid turning around and helping the kid up, he just keeps running by and leaves the child to get up on his own with no apology or regard or acknowledgement of his accidental carelessness? He may even laugh at the kid on the ground and appreciate the fall with taunting… It’s a playground, I know. And it is what it is, kids will be kids you say… But here’s a simple short story of a very SIMPLE and SHORT gesture… that is greatly appreciated and even seen as a symbol of respect.

It’s not easy raising a boy. Especially in our day and age where it seems young men are so easily influenced by movies, music, and videos that glorify obnoxiousness, selfishness and over aggressive behavior. No matter the age, all kids have to deal with the typical peer pressures from friends and family and most feel pressured to live up to standards that are unrealistic, unhealthy and even unreasonable. Those pressures are different across genders and often scream louder than the traditions, values and core teachings that are taught at home. 

A parent is a child’s first teacher. I have an amazing circle of family and friends who love and care for my kids a great deal. But I quickly embraced the notion that especially for the day to day, it takes a village to raise a child. So two years ago, I enrolled my son into a mixed martial arts program close to home where he can learn values of unity, self control, discipline and courage from an environment outside of – or in addition to – what’s taught at home. Where he can learn life is not just about climbing up the ladder for your own selfish personal gains. But it’s also about helping others to achieve their very best though selfless acts, paying it forward to others, and learning how to come together as one, as a unit, in order to help everyone achieve individual goals and dreams.

Yesterday one of Justin’s peers earned a belt promotion. On the drive home, Justin says to me “I am so proud of her. She works REALLY hard, Mama. And she always pushes me hard so I can do my best! When I get my new belt she will be one of the reasons why. I enjoy training with her. And I hope we can both earn our black belts together one day.”  That’s the environment we are in. An environment where it’s not just ONE child that earns a higher rank – it’s ALL THE CHILDREN that helped him or her to get there. It’s not a team… It’s A FAMILY.

Today, at the end of a typical grappling session, I noticed a gesture that is often done on the mat because that’s just what’s taught by their trainers, so it’s become second nature for our kids, but I’ll be the first to admit I often don’t take the time to appreciate it or perhaps it just goes unnoticed.

It was the last round of grappling for them. When the bell rang to signify the end of the round Justin stretched out his hand to his partner and helped him up off the ground to his feet.

That’s it. A very simple gesture to wordlessly tell the other child, “Thanks for training with me. WE did a great job. And I appreciate you.”  Something that’s done to him quite often. And today I noticed, and smiled when I saw him do it back to someone else. That’s it. Simple.

In this art, in this sport, this simple gesture is done all the time. Actually, come to think of it, I often photograph it. From child classes to Professional MMA and Kickboxing fights. It’s not uncommon to see the WINNER bowing down to the defeated to say “sorry for hurting you”. Or for the winner to ask their opponent if they are okay. Even more so… you will often hear the defeated tell their opponent THANK YOU. Why? Because during that match, although it was a loss, they became a better fighter, a better person.

So what’s my beef with the playground versus an MMA mat… 

The playground is a universal symbol of childhood, family and happiness. 

On an MMA mat our kids are being trained to fight. To be as aggressively controlled as they can dig down deep to be when needed. To defend themselves in any given potentially dangerous situation. To be aware of their surroundings. To control themselves. To stand up to bullies. To compete in controlled environments and to use tactics that could probably make most grown men buckle to their knees. But at the end of it all, whether it’s full contact sparring, submission grappling, where these kids fight with all they have and make each other sometimes feel uncomfortable physical tension… Or where a higher rank is training with a younger student and pushes them to their limits so that they can learn what their limits are and prepare for a real life test… Or maybe they’re at a tournament where they’re fighting other schools for titles and ranks and medals and awards… No matter what happens on that mat… No matter where the mat is. No matter who is at the other corner of the mat looking them dead in their eyes with victory on their mind… No matter what bruises they gain or what tears they may shed… At the end of their day, they reach out their hands to each other and help each other up off the ground… Because that’s what they are taught to do. Because they’re not just team mates, they’re not just opponents. They appreciate each other. And they respect each other.

Today, Justin had a belt promotion. My heart was pounding. Another Mom’s kids were promoted as well and as we took a group picture and as I was thinking “It’s great to see these kids grow this way together” she says to them “This pic is great. Hopefully you guys will continue to work together and earn your black belts together.”  As I was walking out, the Mom of the boy Justin was training with says to me “I love your son. He is so well mannered. I just really appreciate him. He’s a good boy.” She noticed Justin’s hand stretch out to help her son up – simple gesture. One of the Dads say “Good job. Before you know it you’ll be on your way to your black belt!” Justin takes pictures to create photo memories of this day. And as I walk out of the school, I look around at the kids on the mat, at the parents in the waiting area, at the lights, and the colors on the walls, I smile as I watch everyone do their thing, I watch my little one bow. And I admire the feeling…. I admire the feeling I feel every day we are there… and with a huge smile I can’t help to think – KNOW – that I made the right choice for him… for us… We’re in the right village.

My son is an 8 year little old boy. He is as obnoxious as they come. He is self absorbed and crazy and loud and silly and everything that an 8 year old little boy should be. He is taught how to use his strength and technique to bring a bully to his knees – no matter his size. He is taught how to defend himself if he is ever choked and how to make his attacker feel the same pain if not worse…  But he is ALSO taught values, modesty, humility, respect, and consideration… Values are being instilled in him that will ground him and mold him to be that kid on the playground that accidentally knocks your kid down, but turns around and reaches his hand out to help him get up… while apologizing for not being more careful. 

He knows nothing else. 

I wish your kid at the playground did, too.